08/29/08 

         So it's my pleasure to be here.  The August Hoof Pick Winner will be announced just around the corner - 2 more days .   Hope you are going to have a great weekend and a great Labor Day.

      This is spontaneous - a friend suggested i write this post.  I just came home from a 5 day retreat in Sanger Ca. called Wizard Camp.  About a year and a half ago i did The Enlightened Warrior training 5 day camp as well , these programs and more are available from Harv Ekers Peak Potentials group. I do volunteer work for this company which pays my way to these courses. Enlightened Warrior Camp really blew my mind, i came back from that camp changed for life , i already had signed up for Wizard Camp at that point , had heard some people thought Wizard Camp better than Enlightened Warrior but after personally experiencing Warrior camp for myself thought Warrior Camp would be nearly impossible to beat . To my surprise Wizard Camp topped Warrior. 

      I don't usually talk about myself here let alone on an intimate level but what follows is an accout of one of the most intimate and profound experiences of my life if not "The" most profound . This account is about me - if you want to know something about me personally and something very unusual read on - but if you came here for horse information - this time you won't be getting any and i appologize for that , so enter at your own riski (-:

        Wizard Camp ,  5 days , every day is a different day long activity geared toward introspection and self improvement. Completely out of any comfort zone and what is familiar or routine . In the evenings during sessions (Indoor events with the speaker or another facilitator  is always something new as well. On the 4th evening by our total surprise we had a special guest -   Mahara Brenna a holistic rebirther , mediator , and wonderful woman. We , all 250 of us were told earlier in the day to bring a pad to lie on and a pillow and towel for the evening session not knowing we'd be meeting this beautiful woman. All gathered we were told to split up into two groups as we met Mahara.

         The first 125 people to set up their stations lying on our padding with pillow and Mahara eloguently told us what to expect from our Breathing Rebirthing session .  We were told this was a healing , that everyone would have an experience unique to themselves. We were told how to breathe ( Quick full inbreath and rapid exhale as if pushing out anything unwanted - getting rid of . Mahara continued with varying explanations of how some will cry and others will be angry etc etc and all the funny examples that left people laughing out loud and surprised as she said words like "Snot" in our nose or how some will need a vomit bag that was provided and on and on. Who would have known she wasn't lying - she had an ease and grace and style like none other. To me she wreaked of mysticism or shamanizm or Gypsie , but there was something obviously very real about this woman.

        We were told she'd issue in Archangles and all manner of spiritual beings.  Were told some of us would feel our wrists and ankles swell and stiffen and if we got stuck that the way out of it would be to wriggle our fingers or toes . Were told some of us would actually stop breathing as we slipped into the process but not to worry as the autonomic breathing system would kick in. Were told how to channel the healing in time with the breathing. As she continued to speak i just had no idea what this woman was talking about but i knew she wasn't lying and i placed my trust in her and went forward into the unknown with openess and trust.  

         The lights went down and the drumming started , and we were guided into the breathing practice - Quick in - harsh out - IN - OUT - IN - OUT , and this went on for an easy ten minutes At about this point is where the White lite appeared to me , my eyes closed but as it came on it slowly appeared and brightened in my minds eye , also as she told us some would be experiencing this . I'm breathing through as instructed of course and then suddenly i hear Mahara , she had nealt down next to me and told in the voice of a goddess to "Feel it down here" as she placed her hand on my lower Chakra and i immediately started to "Feel" it there and all she said was "Yes" and was gone. The white lite as gently as it came gently went away but i knew the process had started and i was in it's embrace. The little blue lites danced in my head as well just following and i continued to breath and go deeper into what was happening. Breathing IN - Out - In - Out  ------- In Out when i realized i started heating up and sweating and i melded into the earth in some kind of state of relaxation that i just simply can't ever remember experiencing in such a deep complete and full way. 

        As i drifted deeper into the breathing and melding into the ground noticing the gravity of it all i was increasing aware that my wrists and ankles had become thick as a type of energy coursed itself through my system. To me it was as if a Divine presence was saying " i am holding you now " just enjoy and i did. I'm enraptured by now 15 minutes or so into this process , still breathing in - out - in out rhythmically. Noticing now though injury in my body , areas that just didn't feel right to me for one reason or another but knowing it all had been like this for quite some time. During our instruction we were told to "Get Under" this and that the breath IN would bring awareness to what was being experienced and the outbreath would push that negative out , and so again that's what i did.  Breathing IN noticing the pains and Breathing OUT pressing the physical sensations out through those swollen stiff wrists and ankles . The outbreath is like discharging so believe me when i tell you the outbreath was done powerfully deeply and sharply now.

       The inbreaths would charge the exhale , it was thrilling , breathing inwardly experiencing the negative energy and exhaling and feeling the bad energy being pressed outward through those swollen wrists and ankles. Great waves of breathing came over me - i could choose to draw breath inward ever so slowly to experience fully the negative energy so i could deliberately blast it out of my body with a forceful authoritive out breath - and i did. By now believe me i am deep in a zone , shrouded in some kind of mysterious process , in the hands of some mystical all encompassing journey through for me was the complete unknown not knowing how long this process would continue or what was coming next and it didn't matter whatever would come next i was going with it - i knew this was a healing and there was no way anyone was going to take this away from me , i would have lay there in the dimly lit room with the drumming music for hours if need be. This was happening . This was amazing.

        As i arched and wreathed as i experienced these wild energies flowing through my body and exeriencing this Gawd Allmighty grip the process had on me it all suddenly became rather funny as i realized or it came to me that everything that was happening to me was just not that big a deal after all  and i just couldn't help myself with a deep smile and belly laugh as the humor of it all flowed through me - just as we also were told that some of us would feel this - and i did. And the process continued , rhythmically in and out still experiencing but now with Joy.

         Surrendering to the process was easy , i knew and felt it was a pure experience and trusted completely in the warmth of it all but what came next i wasn't prepared for. As i breathed inwardly again memmory awakened in me and i shifted from the physical healing aspect of it all to one of the most painful memmories of my life , that of missing my daughter Marissa.
 
        Marissa was special , and she and i had that kind of connection i can only say we would do anything for . But being taken out of Marissa's life when she was only 3 nearly destroyed me with anguish . Too many times i'd wake up in the middle of the nite unable to breathe and weeping so deeply from a dream of her that i wondered if i'd ever breath. 

        On the long ever so long inbreath of remembering her the return of the pain of loss came with it. As i arched on the inbreath with full lungs i was at a loss for understanding how to rid this and expell this energy and pain filling my every inch on the cellular level. After what seemed like a very very long time , still arched , the opening showed itself and with that exhale and through that exhale flowed the most agonizing scream of pain as this pain started to leave my body, and of course all followed by the next ten minutes or so of that sobbing that no one ever hopes to experience , that kind of sobbing that takes every bit of breath away for what feels like forever. And now this was the experience that took over and for the next 15 minutes the screams and crying continued , and all i feel is oh my god oh my gawd this is too much yet somehow knowing this is all healing.  

        I guess all things will pass , as something inside of me decided to have an influence on this process that was happening to me and at that point i decided it was time to "Let this go"  let this pain go and having been wrapped in this spiritual journey now for about 45 minutes it was time to come down and return to myself. While deep inside this process there was a small , very small place where there was a piece of Marissa there and i could touch her with the tips of my fingers of one hand as i lie there. I'll bet you she felt that too. At least i hope so , you see Marissa and i remain estranged to this day.    

         As this whole process was passing and the waves of emotion became smaller and smaller i started to reconnect with the nature of life and my reality and i realized the beauty of the whole experience , and i reached up above me with arms outstretched into the dimly lit room , still lying , and with finger tips felt for and said hello to the angles that had just visited me and provided me this experience . Now we were guided over the music of the drums by Mahara through her microphone to gather those missing parts of ourselves and let them embrace us as we lay there in relaxation.  

          This was Rebirthing Mahara Style , and for the life of me i have never felt anything to compare this to ever .  Without a doubt the most profound experience of my life.  I take from this experience a sense of peace and power like never before.  I can tell it's going to take me a while to integrate this Miracle into my being .                    Wow .

                       Mahara Brenna ----------- thank you.  
        www.MaharaBrenna.com